“A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.”
1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.
2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.
3. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come- get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed- you will think about the bus again.
4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.
5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.
6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.
7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway? Get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.
8. When you feel the yearning for a new city- start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.
9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.
10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic.
Do you hear that? It’s me. It’s your life. Wake up.”
I’m so tired of being poor. All I want is some warm food, and with only three dollars to my name it’s not gonna happen ):
Anonymous asked: Not everyone from downtown riverside thinks like that last anon many of us still miss you and your presence in our little world
WHO ARE YOU! And thank you, I’m sure I might miss you too.
Anonymous asked: as someone who has seen you grow from asshole teen to awesome adult in the span of a few short months, it saddens me that I never got to know you better before leaving the state.
I see the term “asshole teenager” the same way I see “wet rain.” There’s no need to reiterate the point, all teenagers are assholes.
But why are you all anon? If I’m not so bad why aren’t you saying this publicly?
reckoner75 asked: You're absolutely stunning. Your eyes are incredible! Love your poetry also... And Olive! ~RECKONER75
Aw thank you! Olive also says thanks.
Anonymous asked: People make mistakes. You acknowledge them, learn from them, do your best to not repeat them. I think you're pretty okay!
True, and thanks.
My face is cold.
I leave you alone for (a very eventful) evening, and come back to 118 notes on a photo of me.
I also come back to a message on Facebook from someone I very vaguely knew in Southern California linking to a photo of me naked.
I CAN NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE!
Anonymous asked: You would be prettier if we didn't know your real personality from downtown riverside. You can act nice on tumblr but we saw how immature and cruel you really can be.
Oh you’re referencing to a year ago, I’m sad that you just made yourself look so immature.
Don’t let yourself be found
Wallowing in self-pity
You judge those who feel pain as though
You don’t have skin like glass.
Be the first person to really care
Be okay being alone
Don’t just survive.